when it happened?

weeks shy of twenty

spoiled, impetuous

baby of the family

rebellious

and so

so

foolish.

i got into trouble wherever i went

but this was different.
i held illusions of standing for truth

but little did i know

what i would learn

about what that really meant

after it happened

i wandered aimlessly

visions of the arrow sticking from the man's body

haunting my dreams

my waking

my every moment

chased by guilt
regret
despair

and my sister's voice

how can you consider yourself a Locksley now?

Locksleys aren't outlaws

aren't murderers.

i had tarnished the name

and lands my father gave me

with his dying breath.

and so i ran
far from home

with my feet

and in my soul

i met monsters

monsters with the faces of men

and monsters that you cannot see

monsters that ravage worse than those with teeth and claws

monsters that cause more pain than a bullet wound

or an arrow to the side.

but i also met her again.

the first one to forgive me

to offer me the pardon i longed for.

the last person i expected it from

gave me the belief i needed

to keep going.

and more than that –

she left her priviliges

the luxury

everything she could want

for me

for me

i did not deserve that.

and still she gave it.

~

the ideas had been forming

for so long

that i don't know

when they truly formed.

i only know that suddenly

there were four of us –

the burly redhead

the ex-monk

her

and i

and we had a common purpose

and when we did it once

when we broke the law to save a soul

there was no going back.

if i wanted to be a real hero

i had to let go

give up what haunted me

the selfishness

channel the anger

into something righteous, not harmful

let it all go

shape myself into a better man.

and when it slipped through my fingers

i found the better man

lying in wait underneath

shaped by heartbreak

hunger

violence

shame

into someone stronger

more honorable

than i had ever hoped
i could be.

but as he told me

the man who had fled

for what he believed in

if i had not met the monsters

who took so much from me

who lied and said i would never be free

who locked me in a cage worse than if I'd been caught

if i had not traveled that road

i would not have reached the place i stand now

would not be who i am today.

would not be able to help people

would not have others come to me

looking to me

as a leader

a leader more special than titles and land can make

others coming to me with common purpose

and when i hear their stories

it's the same road as mine.

the cage is unlocked

i've stepped out

they did not let me go

no

i let go of them.

and what have i found outside

but freedom?

breathing in the wild air of the woods
a way to change the world

people that love me

and people that call me

a hero.

and a quiet seed growing in her

to carry on who we are.

~

please comment!! i will send virtual hugs and raspberries and bouquets of flowers from sherwood forest! <3

~

i still haven't figured out the time problem! blogger thinks i live in pacific time zones, which i don't! O.O